Geek Chic: 99.9%

June 1, 2011

Perfection.

Um...How did this get here?

Um…How did this get here?

Unattainable? Probably. There’s always something to clog the gears. Something that takes what is otherwise picture-esq and makes it somehow…less. Mortal.

Nope. Not what I meant. I am having some serious issues concentrating today.

Nope. Not what I meant. I am having some serious issues concentrating today.

The debate has raged for years. As far as to what the supposed “Godfather” of superhero films is. Experience is obviously going to vary per user, but there is more often than not an aggregate that everyone can at least agree on. Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight. Bryan Singer’s X2.  From a very early age, Superman: The Movie caught my imagination and attention. I believed a man could fly.  I had been a fan of the SuperFriends reruns as well as the then current Super Powers toy line.I read every Superman comic book I could get my hands on. I had the pajamas. The t-shirts. Everything. The theme of my son’s adoption party was “Superman was adopted.”

528480_10150947225316383_27077577_n

This is a character and a narrative that have influenced me my ENTIRE life.

The apex, at least in the early stage of my development was the eponymous Richard Donner film of the same name. That film is about as close to super heroic perfection as one can possibly get. Christopher Reeve is Superman incarnate. It really looks like they just took Superman off the comic book page and he then simply existed in human form.

superman-then-now

 

Richard Donner’s blending of three separate and very disparate forms of film genre. Traditionally you don’t see science fiction, Americana and modern day realism all in the same film. I’d argue that it wasn’t done, successfully at least, again until Joss Whedon took a smart ass tech nerd, 1940’s super soldier and a Norse god and seamlessly adhesived them into a single universe. Most of the time, this is just a recipe for disaster.

And yet here we are 35 years later, talking about the movie. So something must have gone right. Well almost everything. It’s the ending.

That stupid ******* ending doesn’t make a lick of sense even in a reality that a strange visitor from another planet hurtling through space in a rocket ship for 5 years only to be raised by a kindly older couple that was never able to conceive their own child and has powers far beyond that of mortal men. Even in that REALITY, the ending doesn’t make sense.

Bird cage hats were very much in vogue on Krypton.

Bird cage hats were very much in vogue on Krypton.

 

Entirely, non-phallic wiener pods.

Entirely, non-phallic wiener pods.

I can accept that he can fly, has heat vision and freezing breath. I accept that his co workers don’t recognize him when he puts on glasses (it’s been theorized that Superman is a low level telepath ) I might have even accepted running back time as an explanation of fixing everything if it had been done another way. if you can open a door to the Phantom Zone, I assume Jor-El couild have theorized someway into temporal vortexes and the like.  He is after all from an alien civilization that is thousands of years ahead of us.

But instead he just runs the earth backwards. That is some Vin Diesel math, right there. If I run a VHS tape back to a certain point, it isn’t going to show me a different movie, the events just start over. (and this is assuming you buy the fact that turning the rotation of the earth will, in fact, run back time. Because it won’t.) Thus everything that he did stop has now reset itself.

The sound quality on this and the logic behind Superman: The Movie's climax are roughly equivalent.

The sound quality on this and the logic behind Superman: The Movie’s climax are roughly equivalent.

 

And if he is able to fly around the earth at the rate of speed that he is shown to be, why couldn’t he have stopped both of the missiles? I know that Luthor said he wasn’t fast enough, but at the end of the film I know I saw him travel the circumference of the globe in matter of seconds.

Unless he was pulling a Star Trek IV and using the Earth's gravity to create a sling shot effect to propel him faster than the speed of light. But he didn't.

Unless he was pulling a Star Trek IV and using the Earth’s gravity to create a sling shot effect to propel him faster than the speed of light.
But he didn’t.

I mean maybe he would have had to take a little extra time to throw it into space but I’m pretty sure he could have gotten both of those and had time to get a cat out of a tree or get some lunch in the time he takes before Lois seemingly perishes. It isn’t out of the realm of possibility that a good screen writer could make up something stupid like that for the ending. If Oscar Winner Akiva Goldsmith can give us Batman and Robin and Batman Forever and then turned around and write A Beautiful Mind, Mario Puzo, one of the architects behind The Godfather Part I and II could do the same.

Or that’s what I tell myself so I can sleep at night.

It doesn’t make it a lesser film. It doesn’t even make it a bad film. It just detracts from what is obviously seen to be a labor of love. It isn’t unlike the terrible Batman voice Christian Bale does in the Dark Knight trilogy.

download

Those films are magnificent achievements in film and storytelling. But your telling me that a billionaire ninja vigilante that has a microwave emitter that can vaporize water supplies and some how not kill any person standing within a mile radius (people are roughly 60% water.) can’t make some sort of voice modulation technology that fits over his Adam’s apple and doesn’t make him sound like he’s in laughable community theatre version of The Three Little Pigs in the role of the Big Bad Wolf?

That’s the way I see it at least. Just my opinion. Should be yours.

Advertisement

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: